Musings on fatherhood

Or, everything you know is wrong.
Alex has a speech delay. This is something we can say with clarity. By age 2.5 he should be forming simple sentences and at least able to communicate simple desires like the fact that he’s hungry or thirsty. Not only is he not improving his skills, they appear to have been regressing a bit.
In terms of physical capability, he’s top notch. The other night he was able to descend the stairs while balancing a bowl on his head. What prompted him to attempt to do this, I cannot say, but he has managed to exceed my own physical capacity for coordination at an age that is a full order of magnitude less than my own. After telling him how very impressed I was, I promptly sent him to bed, somewhat envious of his bowl balancing skills.
But when it comes to the speaking (and I guess writing but that’d be cheating) skills, I’ve still got a leg up. More of one than I’d care to have, frankly. I’d much rather have to occasionally disappoint him by denying him something he wants, than to consistently disappoint him by not knowing what it is that he wants.
By itself a speech delay is something that can be handled with more concerted training, which we’ve started doing. But there are a few other odd things. An obsession with spinning things, an strong sensitivity to loud noises and fluorescent lights, a near refusal to make eye contact. All of these symptoms point to the dreaded ‘A’ word. That’s Autism, for those who might be thinking ants, or anteaters, or Applebees. Does Alex have Autism? We don’t know. There is a means of testing him, but the waiting list is months long, so to know for certain will be a bit of a wait. In the meantime, we’re leveraging the state’s early intervention program to get assistance from a speech therapist, and with only a few visits under our belt, and the tips she has shared with us, Alex is already showing improvement.
In the grand scheme of things, there is a whole lot of stuff that’s worse than Autism. A friend and former co-worker’s youngest son has been battling leukemia for several years. Our former pastor’s grandson had a tumor in the brain that caused him to go blind. Worst case, autism is something you can learn to live with.
There are also various degrees of autism. Autism does not necessarily mean Rain Man. Which means I’m not planning a trip to Vegas with my son any time soon. There are plenty of people with autistic tendencies that you would never know they had a problem. A lot of that is because it was caught early and the parents got assistance quickly. I will say right now that I’m happy there’s an early intervention program offered in the state that I live. If other places don’t have one, they should get one.
Saccharine disclaimer: Alex continues to be a gem in my life. No question of that. I’ll never regret becoming a father. And while I’m the first to argue that life is never fair, and people only complain about unfairness when the unfairness is not in their favor, there is that undeniable twinge of anger from wondering why my son has to have a harder time than some of the other kids. Maybe it will help him to build the character he needs to overcome some great difficulty he would not otherwise be able to handle at some point in the future. Maybe it’s giving me the skills to better handle other relationships. Who knows?
Time will tell. Who knows, maybe by them time he’s grown up and contemplating fatherhood, there will be an app for that.