The Company Man, part 6

“One of the problems with natural selection,” Jonathan explained. “Is that it takes too long. You require multiple generations to weed out undesirable traits. Couple that with the fact that we now prop up people with those undesirable traits, allow them to procreate, and suddenly evolution doesn’t work anymore. Do you follow me?”

Henry nodded, though he didn’t really.

Jonathan continued. “Besides, what do we need evolution for when we’re smart enough to figure out for ourselves which parts are the good parts, and which ones are the parts we need to get rid of?” Jonathan stood and moved over to a small dry erase board. “Figuring out that part is pretty easy. But to make those traits predominate within a particular generation, we need to become a little unorthodox.” On the board he drew a stick figure, two lines below it, two more stick figures, two more lines below each of them, and four more stick figures. “Average family has two kids, so you need two generations for a positive trait to go from one to four, and that’s assuming the positive trait gets passed to each kid. Nowadays, it’s anyone’s guess, and the kids will go one to have kids of their own whether they get the good genes or not. No, what we need is more of a shotgun approach to ensure wide dissemination of those genes to the general population.” He went back tot he first stick figure, drew a right arrow, and drew a dozen stick figures next to the first. Jonathan turned and started hard at Henry. “Do you follow me?” he asked.

Henry nodded, even though he didn’t.

Jonathan smiled. “I knew you were the right man for this job!” he proclaimed. He opened the door and stuck his head out. “Mona!” he yelled. “Get Lenny over here with the papers. We’ve got our man!” The frazzled woman nodded and headed deeper into the office of cubicles. Jonathan shut the door again and sat down. “Now you’ll still be able to do your regular job,” he explained, but only half time. The other half of the day you’ll have to spend with us while we run tests and diagnostics. I’ve already conversed with your boss.. Arnold? I think? Whatever- over email and he’s okay with it. We’ll get a temp in to help you out with your normal work so there’s no risk of falling behind.”

Henry smiled. He started to say something, but Jonathan interrupted him to continue. “Now I know what you’re thinking. Such an important job should have something more than prestige attached to it, am I right?” Henry nodded, though he’d not been thinking about that at all. “I’ve managed to pull a few strings, and you’re base salary will get bumped up $10K annually, effective immediately.” Henry froze. He’d never gotten a raise that big before. He’d never even imagined such raises were possible. Jonathan watched his expression for a moment. “You’re awful quiet, Henry. Are you saying $10K doesn’t sound like enough? I happen to think that’s a pretty good sum myself. I get Ph.D’s in here bargaining for a raise one-tenth that amount.”

“That amount is perfectly fine,” Henry stammered, still trying to recover from the shock of such a huge pay raise.

“Glad to hear it!” Jonathan exclaimed. The door opened and a man with a thick stack of papers came in. “Ahh Lenny! I see you’ve got everything our new prized employee needs. This is my queue to leave. Paperwork puts me to sleep. Henry, I leave you in Lenny’s capable hands.” With that, Jonathan stood and slipped past Lenny who dropped the stack of documents with a resounding thud.

“Nice to meet you Henry,” Lenny stated with a dull monotone. “Sign here please.”

Henry took the first sheet and pen and started to read it over.

“Now sign here please,” Lenny continued, passing the next page without looking up.

Henry quickly scribbled a signature on the first page and Lenny flipped through a non-disclosure to the signature page. He handed the entire package to Henry with the one page needing a signature pulled out. Henry furiously scribbled his name on the second sheet and grabbed the packet, signing his name without even glancing at the title. Lenny handed him a fourth page.

For the next twenty minutes, Henry and Lenny churned through waiver after disclaimer after contract after agreement. Whenever Henry asked a question, Lenny did not respond but handed him yet another sheet to sign. Lenny had deep bags under his eyes, suggesting he’d not slept well, or at all, in quite some time. Henry decided not to bother him with more questions after the first few failed attempts.