We’ve all been there. The argument with the person who refuses to be convinced. Even with all of the evidence, data, logic, emotion that you throw at them, they stand their ground and remain true to their belief. It’s frustrating, because you know you’re right.
The problem is that whether you’re actually right or not is not what matters anymore. What matters is that you know it, and it is important for the other person to acknowledge it. Or, at least know that you were right.
I’ve been reading case studies about companies that fall apart because the leadership team got into an argument like this. The same thing has destroyed personal relationships as well.
There is a whole body of evidence surrounding what is known as the backfire effect. The premise is that, contrary to what logic dictates, instead of changing one’s personal opinion when presented with facts that contradict that opinion, we tend to believe more strongly in our opinion, and instead devalue the facts that run against us. By extension, we devalue the source of the facts, the methods by which they were gathered, etc, etc, etc.
So now you’ve got someone who needs the other side to understand how wrong they are, the other side refusing to concede, and actually becoming more and more certain that they are actually right. They will respond with arguments of their own, resulting in a backfire effect on the first person.
Two people who both now have to prove themselves right, and the other person wrong, both only becoming more and more convinced by how right they are.
Rock, meet hard place.
This isn’t something everyone does all the time, but I do think it is something any of us can fall victim to if we aren’t careful. I was tempted to use the word petty several times when writing this, but that suggests immaturity in a situation where their brain is actually taking them down a road without them realizing it. It’s okay to believe that you’re right, but be careful where that takes you.
