The Company Man, part 12

Henry did not relax during his mandatory vacation. He did not know what to do with himself. Daytime television was not a welcome distraction, and he did not like going to the movies by himself. He could not think of other things to do. A few times he went for a drive, but found that he was too nervous to drive his car the way that Jonathan did. He lacked the experience and confidence to pull it off. When driving it cautiously, it was just another car, and no more fun than the one he had before.

The clone bothered him. It was shocking enough to find that there were now two of him in the world, but that smile at the very end continued to bother him. He called his mother, but didn’t dare talk about anything. Instead, he said that he was thinking of coming a few days  early for Christmas this year. She was thrilled, but wanted more than anything for him to come with a girlfriend. Henry got frustrated, and quickly ended the conversation.

His vacation could not come to an end quickly enough. Monday morning he arrived early enough that only a few cars were already in the parking lot. His card, thankfully, worked to let him into the front door, but he could not get into the inventory section. For a moment, he lost his patience and rapped sharply on the door. To his surprise, it opened, and he found himself facing himself.

“You!” he gasped.

“Me?” the one who opened the door replied.

“I thought you were working in accounting,” Henry explained.

“That’s #2,” the other explained. “I’m #3. I get to take over your inventory job.” His face soured and became sarcastic. “Thanks a lot for that. The guys here are jerks.”

Henry was dumbfounded. Then #3 suddenly remembered himself. “Hey,” he said quickly. “You’ve got to get out of here. No one is allowed to see us together. Get  over to R&D.”

Henry turned and angrily marched to the R&D lab, only to find it deserted. He’d come to early, and no one was in yet. Henry sat down in a conference room and stewed.

But in the silence of the office, the anger turned to fear. Was he being replaced, by himself? That’s what that VP said. Train one guy to be really good at his job, and then just keep replacing him with himself. He’d lost his accounting job. He’d lost his inventory job. He’d not done anything for Privex before the inventory job. What would happen next?

A technician arrived, bleary eyed, hinting at having a bit of a hangover. “You’re here early,” he observed at Henry.

“Do you know when Jonathan’s going to get in?” he asked.

“That guy’s a ghost,” the tech muttered, rubbing his eyes. He walked back into a small kitchenette and machine that brewed single cups of coffee.

“A what?” Henry asked. The tech held his hand up, as if unable to speak. They waited in silence for the machine to finish. The tech lifted the cup to his nose and breathed in the aroma, causing his eyes to widen and focus. As he took a sip, he walked over and started pulling out the monitoring equipment.

“A ghost,” the tech explained as he handed the equipment to Henry. Henry started strapping on the monitors without thinking. “I swear I never see that guy come or go. He doesn’t have a normal schedule. He’s never around when you’re looking for him, and just when you think he’s not going to be there, he pops out of nowhere. I swear, that guy can walk through walls. A ghost.” The tech switched on the equipment and let it run though its diagnostics. he watched, then turned. “Looks like your blood pressure went down a little, but your heart rate is pretty high. You feeling alright?”

Henry nodded, though it was a lie. The tech jotted a few notes and wandered out of the room. “Wait!” called Henry. “I don’t know where I’m supposed to go!”

The tech pointed to a neatly groomed Jonathan walking out of his office. “Ask him,” he said.

“Henry!” Jonathan called out. “Great to see you. Today, we try something new.”

The Company Man, part 11

Henry shuddered as he realized that he was staring at himself. He did not notice Jonathan watching, carefully gauging his reaction. The others turned as Henry and Jonathan entered.

“Ah!” exclaimed one of the VP’s. “And this must be the original. Come over here. Let me see the two of you standing side by side. He walked the other Henry over to the first and stepped back to view the results.

“Amazing,” exclaimed the president. “You can’t tell them apart.”

“It’s more than skin deep,” Jonathan added, still not quite taking his eyes off of Henry. “They have the same talents, skill sets, memories, you name it.

“How can they have the same memories?” the second VP asked.

“Memories are formed by bundling synapses together in different configurations,” Jonathan explained. “We performed detailed scans of Henry’s brain and replicated them for #2. In the end, #2 woke up with the same memories as Henry has. Of course, the memories start to diverge once the cloning process has taken place. You can’t help that.”

“Cloning,” Henry thought about it for a moment. He was starting to understand the multiple stick figures that Jonathan had drawn on the dry erase board.

“But you realize that the implications of this are that you only have to train one person who is particularly talented, and then make a dozen or so clones,” continued the president. “Suddenly, you’ve got an entire team fully trained for the cost of just one. You don’t have to worry about people quitting, because you can replace them with themselves! How long did it take to grow this one?”

“We’ve got it down to two weeks,” Jonathan continued proudly. “We’re hoping to work it down to just a single week, but it’s hard to prevent mutations when accelerating cell division beyond fifty times its normal level.

“We can save that for the second generation of product,” one VP observed. “Two weeks is still immeasurably better than anything our competitors have managed to our knowledge. Most of them still cannot even create a clone, much less make one that efficiently.”

Henry did not say anything to anyone. He remained unnerved by the clone standing next to him, who simply smiled at everyone who was smiling at him. They did not speak to each other at all. The VP’s and Jonathan discussed business for several minutes, then the president turned to the two Henry’s. “Well now,” he said. “What happens next?”

Jonathan interceded. “#2 has already succeeded the original in handling his position in accounting,” he explained. Henry’s eyes widened, but Jonathan paid no mind. “The original Henry is helping out in inventory like he used to, but I think it’s taking a toll on his health. The techs are reporting to me that his blood pressure has been creeping up. Because of his importance, I’m going to recommend that he take a few days off to relax.

“Sounds good to me,” the president voiced. “Well gentlemen, if you’ll excuse me, I’m scheduled to have lunch with the governor. He’s rattling his saber about our tax breaks and I need to put him in his place.” The president smiled as he shook his fist, mimicking a saber in his hand. The VP’s all laughed knowingly.

Jonathan escorted the two Henry’s out. “#2,” Jonathan began. “Wait for me just a moment. Now Henry, I’m serious. Take the rest of the week off. I’m going to lock your badge so that you can’t come in, that’s how serious I am about you relaxing. You need to stay healthy.” His smile faded away. “And, of course, I needn’t remind you how utterly important it is that you do not talk to anyone about this. Now go on, get out of here. You did great just now!” Jonathan gave Henry a shove towards the elevator.

#2 spoke up for the first time. “Oh, and Henry,” he added. “Excellent choice in chairs.” He smiled. Henry did not recognize the smile. It was different than smiles he’d seen of himself from pictures taken at company parties, or holidays visiting his mother. This smile was different. It looked… malicious.

Method of improving adoption of public transportation

Public transportation is, for a great many people, a low cost method of getting from one place to another. In the US, there is a mentality of the importance of having one’s own car for the freedom to go from one place to another when needed. Many people are will to front the cost of driving, parking, mostly (I think) because of the justification that public transportation would take too long, and the time is too important to waste waiting for the bus.

This ignores the fact that you can get a lot more done sitting on a bus than you can driving a car, because driving requires your attention. In fact, I’m typing this while riding on a bus (when else would I have time to write?). But I digress….

Proposed solution:

Give public buses the same right of way that one gives to ambulances and police cars. When the bus comes, you have to pull over. You have to stop for the bus, it does not have to stop for you.

With that, buses become not only cost effective, but more efficient than driving one’s self. Rush hour need only apply to people who insist on the freedom of sitting in traffic with everyone else who insists on the freedom of sitting in traffic.

Buses could also use more comfortable seats.

And schedules that  don’t require a decoder ring to comprehend.

The Company Man, part 10

Inventory turned out to be far better organized than Henry remembered. The people working there currently resented him when he started making recommendations.

“Everything has a barcode now,” one explained.

“The system is fully digitized,” another explained.

“A MySQL database keeps track of what gets collected and automatically orders more of what’s expected to be in demand when supplies run low,” the first one finished.

The two seemed to have the job down, and did not require a third person, so Henry found himself doing jobs that were less enjoyable, such as inputting new items into the inventory database. They resented his asking questions, especially because he had such a hard time with their names. They were of middle eastern descent, and Henry had a hard time with names from that region. He kept being surprised by the fact that neither had an accent, even though one was from Ohio and the other from Georgia.

Jonathan became curiously absent again, which frustrated Henry greatly. Not only was he no longer able to do his accounting job, the temp still had his superior chair. Because his card no longer worked he could not get it out. He’d never bothered to learn any of his co-workers extensions, and Jonah never responded to any of his emails. Henry really wanted his chair back. He resented that a temp was enjoying the chair he’d spent so much money on.

For a full month this continued to go on. Henry was never able to find Jonathan, or anyone from the accounting department. The inventory boys kept him quite busy when he was not in the R&D department getting the monitors recharged and data uploaded. One technician observed that his blood pressure was creeping up. “Yours would too if you had to go through what I’ve been going through,” Henry snorted. The tech did not say anymore.

Finally, Jonathan appeared in the R&D lab. He looked over at Henry as he entered and excitedly gestured for him to come over. Henry took a deep breath. He’d been preparing a rant for over a week about all of the horrible things he’s had to put up with, but Jonathan never gave him the chance to speak.

“Henry!” Jonathan exclaimed. “Fantastic news. The project is going better than we could have ever dreamed! The company president wants to meet you!”

Henry forgot about his rant. “Really?” he squeaked. He’d seen the company president at a few all hands meetings, but aside from that had never interacted with him before. He suddenly wished he’d put on his nicest suit that day, but he’d been dressing more casual since working in inventory, for fear of staining his better clothes with some random liquid or powder. Jonathan put his arm around him and guided him from R&D to the elevator near the entrance, which they took to the fifth floor. He’d never even been to the fifth floor.

Down the hallway, past a few very nice offices for VP’s, to the end where a pair of doors opened to a palatial office for the president of Privex. Multiple giant screens were suspended over the desk with constant feeds from CNN, a large web browser he could control from his desk, and a stock ticker with real time updates on the company’s stock price. An orb on his desk glowed different colors to show if the price was doing well or poorly. Currently, the color was yellow. Several bookshelves occupied a far well, with one shelf dedicated to different laptops that the president could take on a business trip depending on the situation. Several full, luxurious chairs made of genuine leather allowed for comfortable seating.

But the chair behind the desk, that one really caught his eye. It was an ‘Executive’, just like the one he had in his accounting department. Henry reminded himself to speak with Jonathan after the meeting about getting his chair back.

Henry recognized the president right away, as well as the two VP’s. It took him several moments to recognize the man they were all talking to. It was Henry.

Tradition vs. optimization

9 to 5. That’s the concept of normalcy. People work 7 hours, from 9am to 5pm, with an hour break for lunch at noon. Bankers hours.

A lot of jobs don’t fall into this mold, and I contend that this is a good thing. Imagine if everyone, every business, was only open from 9am to 5pm. Business that rely on commerce would be limited strictly to those that do not work (admittedly, a bigger demographic right now than anyone wants it to be). People that have errands to run outside of work would be out of luck. They’d have to use their vacation days exclusively for things like grocery shopping because nothing is ever open.

Why is it that this does not make sense, and yet so many companies cling to the perception of the 9-5 job?

Proposal: you can break a 24 hour period into 3 distinct 8 hour blocks of time. Take the companies, and split them into 3 different shifts. Not just manufacturing jobs, but everything. Banks, insurance, lawyers, clinics, you name it.

Suddenly, you have one third as many cars on the road during the morning commute. Suddenly, you have three times as many parking spaces available to you. Suddenly, the lunch rush isn’t as crammed. Eateries would have to stay open more, but the revenue might actually be made up for the fact that there is a more even flow of people, with fewer ones giving up to eat someplace else because a given place is always mobbed during the lunch rush.

Utilities would like it. There would no longer be as much of a surge during the day when all of those office buildings fire up their HVAC systems and computer networks.

Real estate moguls might not like it. One location could house three business instead of one, which may mean three times as much rent, but it would also mean you would only need one third as much office space. A sudden surge of available real estate would cause prices to plummet. Then again, that would lower business expenses, expenses that those businesses could pass along to the consumer.

There’s my pitch for the evening.

You don’t have to limit it hours of being open

The Company Man, part 9

No sooner had Henry found his resolve to continue on renewed did Jonathan appear back in his office. “Unexpected offsite,” he explained. “Wasn’t allowed to make or receive any calls. I trust everything is going well?”'

“Just fine,” Henry enthusiastically affirmed.

“Glad to hear it,” Jonathan mused, his head already down and peering into the computer monitor as he typed out another email. Henry waited for a few moments, to see if Jonathan had anything more to say, but Jonathan never looked up again, so Henry went back to the labs for them to download the latest vitals and attach fresh batteries.

One Monday, after four weeks, Henry began to notice a few odd things. For one, he found that his badge no longer worked to get into the accounting department in the morning. It only worked in the afternoon. Normally, Henry stopped at his desk first to drop off his lunch and say good morning to Jonah and a few other co-workers before proudly marching off to the lab for his super important work.

Then, in the afternoons, people seemed to act a bit stranger around him. They felt like he was forgetting things that they’d already told him, even when he was sure they’d never mentioned it before. Jonah seemed especially perplexed. “Here’s the documentation you asked me for earlier,” he said.

Henry looked up, perplexed. “I didn’t ask you for this,” he explained.

“Sure you did,” Jonah protested. “You asked for it earlier, and I said I’d have it for you this afternoon.”

Henry mentioned it to Jonathan when he complained about his badge not working in the morning. For once, Jonathan appeared to take an interest. "Sometimes people can start to act strangely around you when they know you’re on a secret project,” he explained with a wink.

“Ahh,” Henry nodded conspiratorially, though he still did not know what the project was about.

“Let me take care of this,” Jonathan suggested. “I think I know what we can do. As I understand from your file, you used to work in inventory?” Henry nodded. “Alright, tomorrow, report there for work.”

Henry’s jaw dropped. He was being demoted back to inventory? He’d always considered accounting a step up. “But what about my current position?” he protested.

“Oh, the temp is handling it just fine,” Jonathan explained. “Besides, I need someone with your experience back in inventory. That place has really fallen apart in your absence. You’re really the only one I trust with this.”

Henry sighed as his ego swelled. “Well,” he confessed. “I suppose I am the best person for the job.”

“Glad to hear it,” Jonathan smiled.

The Company Man, part 8

The morning in the lab turned out to be fairly uncomfortable. The technicians drew blood, ran him through a grueling set of physical tests, all while monitoring different responses, and finally made him sit still for close an hour inside an MRI. He’d had one once before, and it did not take nearly this long.

By the time it was over, he was exhausted, sweaty, and not looking forward to returning like that to his desk job. They’d not warned him to bring a change of clothes. “Is this going to happen every time?” he asked grouchily to the technicians. “Just for the next couple of days,” one answered, unsympathetically.

A couple of days became a couple of weeks. Jonathan had disappeared and was never in his office when Henry went to see him. He grew frustrated, and considered asking his supervisor to go back to his normal job.

Then his paycheck arrived. Now, every two weeks, he was making an additional $300! He gasped when he saw it. Jonah, who happened to be walking by, stopped at the noise. “Everything alright?” he asked.

Henry smiled. “Very!” he exclaimed.

“They treating you alright over in R&D?” Jonah asked. He’d been trying to get more out of Henry since he started working, but so far Henry had managed to avoid answering anything overtly. “Quite well,” Henry answered. “Like a king, in fact.”

The next week Henry arrived in his new sporty two seater. He showed up extra early but parked in his usual space so that people could see his new car. With his trade in, he could afford to lease this car, and in four years trade in for a new one. He could also start eating out on a weekly basis. He fantasized about driving the cute weather girl from the TV around in his two seater, taking her to that nice Mexican food place Jonathan had taken him.

The grueling lab tests also stopped. For the time being they made him wear a couple of straps around his wrist and arms to monitor certain vital signs.

“This,” he mumbled to himself. “This is the good life.”